Astuti calling Astuti

I’m a Pisces, and by that astrological fact, you get two for the price of one. (Two fishes floating opposite each other remember?) Actually, it’s just a nicer way of expressing social schizophrenia. I’ve come to terms with the reality that there are two of me in most circumstances and situations. Looking into the mirror, the dual thoughts and conflicting emotions that come flying my way through my reflection gives full justification to the oh-so-many wrinkles around my eye. This split personality of mine, is daunting on some days, and completely liberating on others. Most days I’m fairly well put together; facing the world with a smile- my personalities working in sync and in relative harmony, but off-late I’ve been feeling the need to touch base, and try to get on the same personality planet with myself. So today, I’ve decided to have a talk, a heart to heart, from the same heart, from one Astuti, (currently living in denial), to the other, who is not so deluded. Here goes… 


1. Seriously woman, Get a life! No one's interested in you whining all the time. And you do whine all the time!
2. Nothing's working for you... So what? Deal with it! Talking about it all the time and to everyone... is only making you a boring person to hang out with.
3. So you're not a mommy yet...! Telling others what you think they should be doing (as mommies) is only going to alienate them- it's far easier to be a judge than a participant remember? Wait for your turn, get 24x7 experience and then talk your words of wisdom.
4. Get a job. Jeez! please go back to being independent. No, your husband's not going to support the crazy whims and ideas of expenditure that comes into your mind all the time.
5. Make new friends- your current set of friends are busy with their lives; get used to it.
6. So you wanna travel? what's so legend... wait for it ...dary about it...? So does the world!
7. Join that yoga/ dance class you want to. What's stopping you, you idiot?
8. Come on girl, just get down to finishing the stupid list of books and movies you've never had the time for while working, why are you so bloody lazy all the time?
9. Yes you have fallen into a rut... So get outta their. No one can come and do that for ya! Just freaking move before more shit falls on you.
10. And yes Astuti, when normal life resumes, you are going to feel like an idiot for having wasted this break; so do something- anything really!


Take care,
Love,
Astuti

Free Spirited

Think about it: What if we are free from worldly concerns and mundane cares... What if a feeling of overwhelming security comes over us suddenly, compelling us to cast off our worries and adopt an attitude of free-spiritedness... What if we may be free to do anything, just about anything in the world...? Life would sure be blissful eh? So how do we go about making ourselves free-spirited???

Since we are now thinking about our life experiences in a broadminded way, adventure may be in the forefront of our thoughts. We may be inspired to take an unplanned journey where we allow life to take us where it will. Or we may simply feel driven to drop in unexpectedly to see a friend or loved one. But if we begin to deliberate the details of our spontaneous decision, the excitement of the moment may be lost. We can retain our lighthearted impulsiveness only by giving in to our sudden fancies, and do what our intuition prompts us to do.


Spontaneity can serve us well in life because it teaches us to rely on the insights we receive from our intuitive minds. When we are faced with split-second decisions, intuition can guide us toward those options that are not only thrilling but also life-affirming and conducive to personal growth. 


Many people find the process of making choices arduous because they pour over their options with such ferocity that they become incapable of settling their minds on a single course of action. When we act spontaneously, we assert our faith in our ability to know what is best for ourselves. As conscious stewards of our own destinies, we intuitively choose what is right. The free-spirited spontaneity we feel can help us make the best use of our intuitive mind.


But it is important to believe... believe in where you are and where you are going... believe that life wouldn't cease to exist; but would sure become boring if we stop to think about everything and everyone... So while its nice to plan and be logical for our mind; it is important to be just a little free spirited for the heart and the soul! :)

Illusion of great friendship- an extract from real life!

Yeah! I know, seeing the heading must make you wonder if I am taking my job as a lecturer too seriously... :P It does look like that eh? But fear not, this is just an experience sharing- Mine, naturally!

While watching House MD yesterday, a dialogue I heard, struck a chord- "It's told we don't get to choose our parents, but I'm starting to believe we don't get to choose our friends either." Hmmm I naturally agree with the sentiment of this statement.

This last year, has been an odd one of sorts... While personally and professionally my life's going just about fine with no constantly-nagging-complains; where friends are concerned I have seen some really odd ups and downs. I say odd because I don't understand the behaviour logically. And to my amazement when I can't put behaviour into a set-pattern, it bothers me for long! (Reminds me of the jingle "Lasts long, really long :P") Anyway let me try and share what made these experiences odd-

A friend of mine, who talked to me regularly (almost daily) abruptly, just-like-that stopped talking to me. Naturally there were reasons given; but let's just say the heart didn't agree and was confused for a very long time. When we bump into each other now, its kinnda odd; I'm left wondering if all those conversations we had, that made us close have to be ignored or what exactly can I do to avoid the awkwardness?

Another close friend, found someone else "far-more important" to stay constantly in touch with, leading to "Sorry sweetie, I don't have time to talk" with me. A true friend, must say happy to see you happy, but it’s like that dialogue in 3 Idiots; "...Khud ke friend ko topper dekh ke aur bhi bura lagta hain!" I feel like screaming and saying "where's our time?" To be fair, I can't say we've lost touch completely; but it’s so far and wide, it almost feels like an exercise!

The safety of conversations, asking stupid questions; of voicing fears and soothing tears that I shared with these friends is now compromised. There’s a feeling of void created. Every time someone asks me "who are your closest friends?" their names are the first to pop up... but then I am left wondering "Are they really?"

Honestly am not so sure anymore. It’s sad that I'm completely confident, of the fact that these people- who knew every moment of my life and every thought in my head'; will now probably be the last people to hear, if something unexpectedly happens to me! I'm confident that they'll not even know for a month, if I say meet with an accident and die tomorrow.

Hey, its not all bad, I must say there are other friends, who were not-so-close before, and have become closer now. :) A lot of old friends from school have gotten in touch and there's never any lack of people to hang out with (:)); but its just that the heart still wonders... Do we really get to choose our friends or does destiny deal us cards that put people together and makes them friends? Also is “great friendship” just an illusion?

The optimist side in me, sure hopes not! :)