Ode to an unusual friendship...

There are many ways of loosing people. Some you loose when life as you know it, ends; some: when you don't find the time to remain in touch; while others 'coz things just don't work out! No matter why, loosing a good friend is always difficult.

Here's an ode to one such friendship.

When you laugh, it's contagious...
I just have to laugh along-side!
But these moments seemed to have been in the past
friendship with you, just didn't last.


We knew there was no future in all this,
risking everything we still didn't miss,
a single chance to enjoy destiny's hand
hoping people would learn to understand.

You moved me in ways that left a sign,
we spoke till your beliefs became mine
and I never stopped to think
how would life be when things just end.

The day did finally come,
when you were left to pick one;
you chose the right thing to do,
I understood and really didn’t miss
Its just sad it came to all this.

I hope you know now,
I always wished your best
Life is fun and I wish you only delight
I wish “He” would keep you in sight!

P.S:
It was a choice no one should make
for life’s not always as simple to shake!

Numbed Spirit!

I was in Mumbai this last week. Had reached the mighty city, along side the terrorists (or so my friends said.) When at first I heard about the terror attack I didn't even react. I was getting frantic calls through out the night and the next day from worried loved ones who knew I was in the city but well I was actually numb. No anger the way I had felt in "Delhi cries" http://astutalks.blogspot.com/2008/09/delhi-cries.html", or fear... No feelings whatsoever to tell you the truth... And that was what scared me.

Since then I have read & seen hundreds of reports on "what happened?"! I have tried to follow people's discussions on "who did it??"! And read emails after emails petitioning people to wake up! But I seem to have gone into a deep slumber. It's as if it's not happening to me... I am in a daze almost like I am seeing everything like a fish looking at humans outside an aquarium. And this for sure scares me!

I read some really amazing writeups about the "Mumbai Spirit" and how the people are simply untouched by what happens... Actually 24 hours after the supposed worst terror attack on the country, I was actually there to see the city go back to normal. It stunned me to think about the 'Mumbai Spirit'! I was left wondering if it's awesome that they can get out of it so soon or awful that they forget so fast!!! And yes this supposed food for thought scared the shit out of me...

I am but a common man who's scared... Who wants to do something but doesn't know how... Who would simply like to sit inside her cosy home and point fingers at someone else whose not doing their job... I know I am lazy, scared and hard to please but I am your average Indian.

It's scary to think... But Jaipur... Bangalore... Ahemdabad... Assam... Delhi and Mumbai... I wonder where next will this heat hit! And when would we not be as vulnerable to the whole thing and be able to start feeling something more...!

Me the Ultimate Pessimist!

One post in October... and no posts in November I know I haven't been around like forever! Have just had too many things to deal with, nothing to write about and hazaaron khwahishein aisi... but well excuses or no excuses I promise I'll try to be more regular now...

It's days like today when I have had my Happy pill that I agree with anyone saying "Life is sure worth living"! It's not too often that I'm in the mood for optimism. You see, for sometime now, I have been tagged as the "Ultimate Pessimist" by most people who know me! They love me too much to ever say it to my face, but I can see it in their eyes, in their worried look and oh-so-casual calls. They are worried that I might just catch the pessimistic fever forever, quite naturally; from the way I have been behaving.

I wait to add a "But" after I hear a good news or just wait for the other coin to drop when something good happens to me.... I don't smile as much, don't love as deeply or behave as madly! I am falling a second to what i used to be! And why i wonder...! It's not like something on the outside has changed. Nothing drastic has happened in my life to kill my joy or enthusiasm; Neither I nor anyone close to me (God forbid!) has really died or had a near death experience. But something seems amiss!

I am going through a period professionally that could not be called as anything but "happening"! The best of oppurtunities is coming my way. Personally I haven't fought with my hubby in a long time (quite a miracle in it's own making). My family is the most supportive and my friends are very attentive. But (and there always is a but) life isn't something I am looking forward to!

I mean No lands to conquer! No goals to Achieve!! No passions to Kinder!!! It's just a day that goes on and on without any special moments to remember! Ok the optimism seems to be deserting me... So I am going to try to add a pinch of happiness in my tone, I really am bored with being myself, so I truly feel sorry for the people who deal with me and my moods on a daily basis... I would love to be the person writing the post starting with...

"Dance as though no one is watching you.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Live as though heaven in on earth!"

But for now I am signimg off as...

Yours truly,
"The Ultimate Pessimist"