Ready for a new life...

As I ponder upon all the things in my head for so many days- a lot of thoughts come into my mind but most are just quotes I have heard & read over the years... I think of what I want to do going forward? How I'd like to live? The things I want to do... Places I want to travel... Passions I want to exercise and I automatically know the right answer to it is "what's stopping you?" 

So here's a random musing... Putting words out ther so it makes sense to me some way... Cause that's what I do. I write when I can't sort things out...

#Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

Oscar Wilde

#Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.

Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

#We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it's our job to invent something better.

Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

#Why not? It's true. My best hope is to not disgrace myself and..." He hesitates.

And what?" I say.

I don't know how to say it exactly. Only... I want to die as myself. Does that make any sense?" he asks. I shake my head. How could he die as anyone but himself? "I don't want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not."

I bite my lip feeling inferior. While I've been ruminating on the availability of trees, Peeta has been struggling with how to maintain his identity. His purity of self. "Do you mean you won't kill anyone?" I ask.

No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to... to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games," says Peeta.

But you're not," I say. "None of us are. That's how the Games work."

Okay, but within that frame work, there's still you, there's still me," he insists. "Don't you see?"

A little, Only... no offense, but who cares, Peeta?" I say.

I do. I mean what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" he asks angrily. He's locked those blue eyes on mine now, demanding an answer.

Suzanne Collins 

#It is easier to live through someone else than to complete yourself. The freedom to lead and plan your own life is frightening if you have never faced it before. It is frightening when a woman finally realizes that there is no answer to the question 'who am I' except the voice inside herself.

Betty Friedan

Enough with the quotes... get on... Say what you must ehh? But that's the problem, there's nothing to say, yet there's so so much. 

Gurgaon... Down memory lane... From the eyes of a Chennaite! :)

Torn between immense love and unbearable pain, I could never decide how I should have thought of moving to Gurgaon? I'll just tell my story and let you decide that, I guess. 

I am but a simple punjabi girl, born and brought up in Chennai. I was a Chennaite thru and thru and in some ways will always be.:) But Gurgaon is where I 'grew up'; it has brought me both my deepest happiness & strongest hurt. 

Its almost been nine years & as I walk through my memories, I watch them as sites- some I stop to stare and smile at, relive & let the happiness they brought then, spread through my heart again; while others I quickly jump over, not wanting to wallow over the misery they'd spring. As I take this walk, I realise that through it all- I have lost myself a couple of times- never to my credit realising the exact time to change my path. But mostly what I realise is how much I have grown along with this city. A city which immediately took me in its folds- a 22 year old, friend-less girl who had moved here to set up home!

Hmmm, so I was 22 when I got married and moved here, and there are reasons why I have always felt a common thread between my own life and this city. Some of us grow up in a hurry, always doing certain things much before the 'right' time and naturally the choices made in the innocence of those years, have lasting impacts on our lives.  Gurgaon for one has a similar histor. It was hit by a tag "Millenium City" and all multi-nationals from around the world just descended upon it, without giving it much time to naturally grow. So it literally had to grow up in a hurry- without any proper infrastructure or investments; and its only claim to fame being its distance from the Capital city and the New Delhi Airport! 

Let me tell you the developments I have witnessed in 9 years, so you get the true idea of the picture I paint. There was no NH8 then or the toll or God-forbid-the-Ambience Mall. No flyovers, or drain pipes or even decent roads! When I moved to Malibu Towne on Sohna Road, there really was pretty much nothing else on that road. While driving to Gurgaon from Sohna, one could easily see the tall white buildings all the way from Badshahpur 'coz there were no other high-rises. Mud roads, water clogging and traffic jams- was a 'way of life' all over Gurgaon. As was no-electricity, no transportation & no grocery shops. The postal department probably did not even have a proper address for those of us living on Sohna Road- no sector or real pin code. We were lucky if posts ever reached us. 

So there I was at 22,  moved from a city filled with friends and tradition to a non-friendly, almost cold land (literally and emotionally) and I didn't like it one bit. I missed Chennai constantly- the idlis and the friendly cappi, beaches and the 'malli poos', the traditions and order of my childhood city, not to mention my friends and family. Gurgaon didn't have anything to offer in compensation, except its much talked about "big-airconditioned malls". 

In those days, we had to go all the way to Sahara Mall for our monthly grocery shopping at Big Bazaar. (I still remember there first "Republic Day Sale" like it was yesterday. The customer que outside Big Bazar then, was legendary. Not something any retailer will ever see again. Phew!)

Coming back, I remember the pain making of NH8 caused. The 4 hour long traffic jams... I remember when the metros were built and those roads turned useless. I remember when the regular roads and drainage pipes started appearing all over the city. I remember each and every high rise being built on Sohna road... Banging hammers, construction vehicles, road blocks, traffic jams, water clogging, this city and the people in it have literally seen it all. And maybe that's what makes Gurgaon so special to people like me- who weren't born here but made it our home, 'coz the city literally grew all around us. 

Its special 'coz we were here before the city as you know it now, was! 

Road Drama!

I had dropped my daughter to play school and was returning home. I had switched on the indicator and was patiently waiting to turn right on the main road, seeing a choke created at the intersection coz everybody was in a hurry to tackle each other & save the few seconds. I was thinking in my head, how much easier it wud be if people just have some patience. Finally I crossed the road to take a right, only to... 'Bang!' A guy driving a swift on my left banged the side of my car. He had wanted to come from my left and take a right! (Now wait, isn't that against the driving rules-"Do not over take from the left?") And guess what, instead of apologizing he and his oh-so-devoted-wife, started screaming & blaming me for not seeing "both" my rear view mirrors before turning right! The lady just kept going on & on, (from the passenger seat) screaming on top of her voice, and blaming me for the mistake. I actually told her to please behave herself as I was trying to have a civil conversation with her husband, who had been driving. I explained that it was not my fault and that the scratch & dent on my XUV could have been avoided, had they not tried overtaking from the wrong side... But the "educated couple" just kept screaming. Finally I said 'Ditch it!' and decided to move on, rather than create another choke point in the middle of the main road, only to hear the couple scream "Idiot!" at me. Sigh!!!

Now I'm thinking- why are we women soooo protective of our husbands? Do we truly believe they are capable of no wrong? Where does education play a role if we can't even behave civil with a complete stranger? And why is it always a contest of the 'who-will-shout-the-loudest'? Do people genuinely believe that if two people scream together at one person, the other will back off? Is it too much to expect some decency? We are after all living in an educated city like gurgaon! Double Sigh!!!